Enduring You
by vampyremiyu
Summary: Written a few months ago and inspired by events in the anime episode "Impatience", Misa's resolve is slowly waning and she's questioning herself and her feelings. Does love really conquer all? Light x Misa one-shot.


ENDURING YOU  
A Death Note Ficlet

Written by Miyu, Vampire Princess

AUTHOR'S NOTES: My first fanfic for this fandom. Inspired by events occurring in the anime episode, "Impatience". Light x Misa lemon. Told from Misa's point of view. No real SPOILERS, me thinks. I'm probably giving Misa too much credit here, but that's what fanfics are for. ^_^ Comments are always welcome. A Standard Disclaimer follows the story.

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"Light?"

"Just leave me alone!"

"But...things worked out didn't they?"

"Go away, Misa! Just...GO!"

Okay, so things didn't go as he planned. I get that. But...he didn't have to yell. Of course, I didn't have to slam the bedroom door shut, either. But I was too upset to care. Damn him, hurting my feelings like that!

Besides, it's one of the childish things he expects from me.

Curled up in bed, the tears begin to flow. I hate it when he yells at me. I mean, I did my part for him. And as smart as he is, he can't foresee everything. At least his sister and father came out safe.

I saw the hesitation in his eyes when he nearly had to do the unthinkable. He couldn't do it. He didn't. And things are going to be okay. I'm sure Light can deal with it.

Kira, however, I'm not so sure.

I don't know when I started thinking of them as two different beings. Strange, yes, but they seem to have their own quirks and personalities. Light, caring and intelligent. Kira, devious and calculating. The two didn't seem to match. Justice is the common factor. They have the same sense of justice.

And both wish to be gods of a new world.

Up until a few days ago, I never questioned my loyalty. Actually, my loyalty isn't in question. I will always help Kira. I owe him that much for what he's done for me. It's my heart I'm starting to question.

My love.

After so many years with him, it only dawns on me now that he feels nothing for me. Nothing romantic or sexual really. It's been one sided all this time. It should piss me off, but it doesn't. Sure I feel sad, but I'm strangely okay with it. For now anyway. Right now he needs me. For that reason alone, I stay.

What happens when he no longer needs me, though? I don't doubt he'd write my name in the Death Note. I'm not THAT stupid, you know. But still....

Damn me for being a hopeless romantic!

I raise my hand to punch the pillow in my lap but nearly fall over as the bedroom door swings open. As I right myself, I see Light enter the room. He doesn't look at me as he walks towards the bathroom. I'm half waiting for him to tell me to leave again. But he says nothing, closing the door behind him as he enters the bathroom.

"Fine," I mutter to myself. Placing my pillow where it belongs I lean over and turn off the bedside lamp. It's not worth arguing over, I tell myself. Sleep. Tomorrow's another day.

But I lay there with my eyes wide open. Waiting.

When he emerges from the bathroom, I can smell the scent of his usual shampoo. My body begins to itch with need and I hurry to calm it. Not likely, I have to tell myself. While we've had sex several times, I've always been the initiator, the aggressor. No sex for you tonight, I scold my body.

"Misa, I know you're still awake."

"Am not." Gods what a stupid response.

I hear him chuckle. He's moving closer. His scent grows stronger until I see him kneel beside the bed.

"I need your help."

I can't hold back the sigh that escapes. "Can't it wait until morning?"

"No."

The covers are ripped from my grasp. I'm shocked to say the least, practically bolting up in bed. I'm forced backward, however, as he lowers himself on top of me. Okay, maybe I was wrong, I tell myself. I should just lie back and enjoy this.

Then I see his eyes, the color of amber and crimson mixed together. Instantly, I'm scared. Petrified of what will come.

"Untie the corset, Misa."

My hands automatically do his bidding. The string is so flimsy that it comes apart easily enough. That's lingerie for you. Remind me never to shop at Victoria's Secret again.

His eyes watch as I pull the string loose. Then his hand takes the string from me, unlacing the top completely. The black ribbon dangles there as he gives his next command.

"Raise your arms over your head."

They stretch over my head, my fingertips brushing the wall. I'm not surprised as he ties my wrists together. Instead it adds to my fear. My anticipation.

And that smile of his. The one I associate most with Kira. He knows it.

He sits up just long enough to remove the towel from around his waist. The sight is something to enjoy. I'd like it better if I could touch him, but looking will have to suffice. I already know each hardened muscle, each dimple and outline by heart. My tongue darts out to moisten my lips as he lowers himself onto me again. His smile doesn't disappear, even as he kisses me.

His attentions are scattered. Hands roam over my chest and abdomen. Tongue licking and tasting my throat. It's just enough to get me warmed up. I arch into him to let him know its working. Whether or not he cares is another matter. This isn't for me. It's all for him.

"Open up for me."

Several fingers venture past the crotchless panties and deep into my center. I'm actually getting off more than usual just fine on my own, thanks. But his nimble digits are enough to spread fire through my core and out through my limbs. They probe and scissor, stretching and caressing the nerves inside me. It isn't long before I orgasm. Even as my body settles his fingers continue to work magic.

"Lift your knees."

There's little preamble and no warning. But I'm wet enough to accept his solid member inside of me. And despite my want to be neutral, I love the feel of him inside me. The way he fills me is so fantastic it's beyond words. My hips know this and start to move on their own. But his fingers dig into my skin, painfully marking me. Warning me. I've overstepped my bounds.

"Sorry," I try to apologize, but he ignores me, thrusting hard inside of me as punishment. I gasp at the overwhelming sensation it creates.

This is going to be a rough ride. I can just tell. And I have no intention of fighting him. I want him so badly I can taste it. I'll take him any way I can. Is that wrong of me? I suppose most girls wouldn't think that way.

I'm the second Kira.

I'm not most girls.

One position changes to another. Yet the emotion is the same. Hard. Commanding. And no matter how much I try not to react, my body betrays me. Over and over he brings me to the edge of pleasure and pulls away just before I cascade over.

Finally I can tell he's close. Panting in my ear, I can feel the warm air caress my shoulder as he pushes into me from behind. With his release goes his anger. His frustration. His cry of passion is more like a sigh of relief. We collapse on the bed, sweaty, sore and out of breath. I shouldn't feel content. But I was able to help him in this way. It's quirky, but it makes me happy.

"I love you." The words fall from my lips without thought. Without hesitation. I don't expect a response of any kind, so the kiss he places on my shoulder is a pleasant surprise. I want to smile, but I'm too exhausted. Yeah, that must be it.

Falling asleep doesn't help either.

When I'm finally awake enough to go to the bathroom, the room is glowing in early morning gray. Light's sleeping soundly on his side of the bed now, his back to me. I crawl out of bed and run for the toilet. Oh that hurt! Done, I step out of the bathroom wearing his dress shirt. He left it hanging on the back of the door. Must have been desperately in need of release to leave his clothes in the bathroom.

I make my way out to the kitchenette and immediately start to make coffee. I could go back to bed, but I can't. My head won't shut up. It's angry with me for allowing Light...or should I say Kira, his fun. My body sadly agrees.

So why does my heart need to be different?

I love him. I hate him. I want him. I need him.

He needs me.

A tear manages to escape, much to my surprise. I wipe it away quickly, grabbing a cup for the coffee.

Eventually I won't believe that anymore than I want to believe he loves me. Oh I so want to believe that. But I'm realistic about this. Really I am. Doesn't stop me from dreaming, though. Every girl needs a dream.

Coffee in hand I make my way to the balcony. I concentrate on the scenery of the surrounding city. The sounds of the cars going by and the dimming lights of the buildings. Los Angeles is quite beautiful. And noisy.

It's a new day. A new chance. Things will be better today. Light's plan will succeed. I'm sure of it.

"Misa?"

"Ah!" I jump, nearly spilling my coffee on me. I wasn't expecting Light to be awake. And if he was, he'd be at his computer, not standing right behind me.

I'm ready to throw my usual childish tirade. That is, until I get a good look at him. His hair is disheveled. Pale skin glowing in the early morning light. And the look in his eyes...I don't think I've ever seen it before. Uncertainty. Fear. Is this really Light? I'm still questioning it as he grasps my waist and pulls me closer until his forehead is resting on mine.

My smile is more genuine than its been in hours. "Light, don't sneak up on me like that."

The look in his eyes intensifies as he states, "Tell me you love me."

"Light...I love you." Without hesitation and perfectly practiced. Even the smile I offer is half rehearsed. "You know that."

All he does is nod. Since he's not moving away, I close the mere distance between us and kiss him lightly. Extra reassurance, but more for my sake than his. It's his response that surprises me. Gone is the angry Kira who had mad, raging sex with me. This is Light. He has a heart that still feels.

"Light?"

Still endures.

"Come back to bed, Misa."

"Okay."

I'm not sure how much longer I can play his game. It gets harder every day. No matter how much he says he needs me, a girl has limits.

Take pity on me, please.

Tell me you love me so I can keep enduring you.

~~FIN~~

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note. That honor belongs to Tsugumi Ohta and Takeshi Obata, Shueisha, Shonen Jump, Viz and their respective affiliates for copyright and distribution. The characters used here have been used (and abused) without permission.


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